First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
