office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
