I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
