...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
