I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
