just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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