I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
When are your genitals available?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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