weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
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