So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
