yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
