Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
