It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
