Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
