I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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