There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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