he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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