Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
