he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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