oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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