dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Randomize
