I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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