Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
