ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
and she was petting her beer can
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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