Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
