I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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