Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
