the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Randomize
