I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
