So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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