would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
