you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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