i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
40s are totally the cure
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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