WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
