Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
