im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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