so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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