I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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