spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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