very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
