He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
