I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
