i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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