please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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