Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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