I hope mine doesn't look like that
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
