i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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