He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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