so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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