I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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