Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
