I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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