Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
