it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
