First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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